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[info]reijamira wrote
on May 20th, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Crack me up: I asked the Oracle of Delphi about fandom

Another hilarious thing I ganked from [info]only_gremo who did it here. I asked the wise Oracle of Delphi about certain things.



Oh and btw, I'm using the wonderful gift vicariousworld gave me: her beautiful color codes! Thanks again for these, they really make me happy!

Q: My Questions
A: Answers by the Oracle

FANDOMS: Bleach, Gundam Wing, Supernatural and Harry Potter

Q: I think Grimmjow is as gay as they come, am I right?
A: I think he’s a bi.

Q: Bi? That’s fine with me! Does he prefer men over women?
A: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Q: Oh sorry, I put it differently then. Does Grimmjow swing more towards men?
A: It’s OK. Do you have anything else on your mind?

Q: Yes. Does Grimmjow have the hots for Ichigo?
A: I don’t understand.

Q: You don’t understand? I thought you are wise!
A: If you must know, yes I am. But weren’t we here to discuss you, not me?

Q: Actually, we are here to discuss Grimmjow’s sexuality. Does he want to get into Ichigo’s pants?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: I knew it! Okay, what about Ichigo? Is he gay?
A: He’s more gay than a San Fransisco man in a Hawaiian shirt sniffing some liquid gold and watching Sex in the City.

Q: Okay, muahha, that sums it up. So does he prefer to bottom or does he like to switch?
A: Try the latter, it will work out better.

Q: Oh I can imagine that! So will we see some sexy action between Grimmjow and Ichigo?
A: I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

Q: Huh? You seem to be pretty dense for an oracle.
A: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Q: Of course not. You are not one of the intelligent sort, are you?
A: You’re not bad yourself!

Q: Yes, well thank you. You don’t appear to like fandom-related questions?
A: I don’t understand.

Q: All right, what about Gundam Wing then, Heero and Duo are a pretty good match, are they?
A: That’s all I’m going to say about this.

Q: But you didn’t say anything! Answer the question, please!
A: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Q: Apparently your AI is not worth a cent. Are Duo and Heero a perfect couple?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: Is Duo really The God Of Death aka Shinigami?
A: There is no God or Allah or Jahve. Jesus was a rockstar of his time, but in other respects like you or me. Well, not actually like me because I’m just a machine.

Q: But that’s not the answer to my question. Is Duo Shinigami?
A: You’re getting on my nerves.

Q: The feeling is mutual. Does Shinigami exist?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: So is it Duo then?
A: Yes.

Q: Does Heero know that?
A: Not any more.

Q: What does that mean?
A: Life itself. This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Q: Could you elaborate your answer?
A: Certainly!

Q: Then why don’t you do it?
A: Computer game violence is the root cause.

Q: Why doesn’t Heero know anymore that Duo is Shinigami?
A: The Axis of Evil is to blame.

Q: You mean the Zero System?
A: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Q: Man you suck so hard! Can’t you give me a proper answer here?
A: I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

Q: Nothing new there. Does Heero naughty things in his Gundam?
A: I don’t see what you mean.

Q: Does Heero touch himself in a sexual way in his Gundam?
A: I’m sure he doesn’t.

Q: Really? What makes you so sure about that?
A: Love.

Q: Love? You love Heero?
A: ♥♥♥.

Q: Where did you meet him?
A: On a boat to Germany.

Q: What was Heero doing there?
A: Taking the dog out.

Q: Since when has Heero a dog?
A: No sooner than 2010. This was the main topic of the Oracle Magazine, September edition.

Q: Is Heero a VIP?
A: How could you even think of such thing? No way.

Q: Then why is he in a magazine?
A: This is a direct consequence of the so-called War on Terror.

Q: So is he in a relationship with Duo?
A: Yes.

Q: Do they have hot and passionate sex?
A: Most certaily yes.

Q: Wow, hot! Are they kinky?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: Do they like role-playing? Bondage?
A: This is a tough one. But even with all the uncertainties involved, I’d say yes.

Q: Is Heero a screamer in bed?
A: No he isn’t but it’s for the best. Trust me. I hope revealing this doesn’t make you suicidal.

Q: Of course not. Does Duo like to moan and scream in bed?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: Interesting! Let’s talk about Supernatural a bit. Do you know Dean?
A: I’ve never heard of this person.

Q: But you must! he’s famous! What about Sam then?
A: Nothing. Focus on the subject at hand.

Q: But you know the Impala, right?
A: I’ve never heard of this person.

Q: The Impala is a car, you dunderhead! Apparently you don’t know SPN. What about Harry Potter then?
A: The same applies.

Q: You must have heard of Harry Potter! Do you like Snape?
A: Pure pleasure!

Q: You have a thing for Snape, too?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: What? Do you love both Snape and Heero?
A: Duct tape.

Q: What’s that supposed to mean?
A: Nothing.

Q: How can that mean nothing?
A: With peace of mind.

Q: You suck, do you know that?
A: Unfortunately not.

Q: Then it’s high time you face it! How can you be so dense?
A: I’ve lived long and learnt much.

Q: You’re kidding me, right?
A: Really? I never knew.

Q: You fail at sarcasm. Do you know someone better than you?
A: I’ve never heard of this person.

Q: You don’t know many people, do you?
A: Hmm yes.

Q: Okay, I think I leave you now. What are you doing now?
A: Drinking beer.

Q: Are you drunk?
A: Yes, I am. Surprised?

Q: Thank you. Have a nice day!
A: If you ask me - as many people do - I say yes

___________________

So, what I've learned from this: the Oracle of Delphi is a drunk little sucker, who loves Heero, whom it met on a boat to Germany while he was taking the dog for a walk, and it likes Snape. It apparently doesn't like Bleach and most of the time it has difficulty understanding what you want to know.

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