June 2021



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[MCU Fic Rec]: "Your Homecoming Will Be My Homecoming" by lupinely

TITLE: Your Homecoming Will Be My Homecoming
AUTHOR: lupinely
AUTHOR'S LJ NAME: unknown, author's AO3
FANDOM: Captain America (Movies; MCU)
PAIRING: Bucky/Steve
OTHER PAIRINGS & CHARACTERS: cameos by Natasha and Sam
GENRES: Slash, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Brainwashing|Identity Amnesia, Quest for Identity, Recovery, Angst, Slow Burn
WARNINGS: language *mentions of violence, torture, manipulation*
CONTAINS: hurt!Bucky, hurt!Steve, protective!Bucky, protective!Steve, worried!Bucky, worried!Steve, feels, pining *hugging, domestic, sharing an apartment, kissing, friendship, flashbacks*
TIME FRAME: Captain America: The First Avenger and post Captain America: The Winter Soldier
WORDS: approx 18,972
SUMMARY: This is what Bucky thinks he remembers. Writing a letter to Steve in the trenches, muddy footprints, impressions of army boots on the ground. So cold his fingers ache. He’s writing the letter but it doesn’t make sense. He’s writing the letter but he wants to go home. It’ll make sense then, he thinks—it’ll make sense when they both come home.
[Steve/Bucky, post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier] (Given by the author.)
NOTES: Bucky's POV

Bucky laughs; he can’t help it: discordant, broken sounds, like the wrong chords of a piano. This, at least, he knows is not true. Even the Bucky who was had been a hard person to like. Too quick to cut with a sideways smile, a smirk, an insult. Too good in a bar fight to be any good at shaking hands. The only person who’d stuck around had been Steve, and that’s because Bucky held on to him so tight that even thousands of miles away in the middle of a war he hadn’t been able to let go. Girls were drawn to him until he stopped saying all the right things and went home to Steve’s apartment, leaned against the windowpanes and chain-smoked cigarettes while outside it started to rain. Boys just wanted his mouth on their dicks in dark alleyways behind bars and the next day Bucky would break the skin on their cheekbones with the rings on his right hand when he found them kicking the shit out of Steve in those same alleys. Actually, he can’t remember whether that last bit is true. But it feels true enough.

There’s nothing about Bucky who is that’s any easier to get along with than Bucky who was. Sam must know that. Sam does know that.

“I—” Bucky makes a twisting motion with his arm. Metal refracting light. “Hurt you. Pulled you out of your sky.”

“Yeah, well.” They’re nearing the apartment. Sam’s looking in the rearview mirror to make sure they haven’t been followed. He’s been doing that the whole time. “I did try to shoot you a few times.”

“You never hit me.”

Sam nearly laughs. “Cute.” He pulls into the parking spot and puts the car in park, sighs. Sincerity comes easily to Sam’s features, the timbre of his voice. Bucky doesn’t expect him to lie, but he also doesn’t know what the hell he expects him to say. He’s killed more people than Sam has probably ever met.

“I know you pulled Steve out of the river,” Sam says.

Bucky swallows, the slide of his throat, dry, aching. “No you don’t.”

Even Bucky doesn’t know that for sure. Click thud. Boom. He remembers watching Steve fall and he remembers falling. The air tasting like gunmetal, like exhaust smoke; like ice and snow and the bone-numbing chill of a sleep he didn’t deserve to wake up from. He remembers the shock of the water, the shock of the ice. It hurts like hellfire. It hurts like waking up and reaching out and feeling the empty space next to you, the empty hallways, the windows dark and outside people are blowing each other up and you get up and put on your uniform, sniper rifle over your shoulder. He doesn’t remember pulling Steve out of the water. He remembers his programming.

This is one of those post Captain America: The Winter Soldier fics where a recovering Bucky shares an apartment, a base of some sort, with Steve, Natasha and Sam. They are independent now, working alone to bring down what's left of S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA . It's clear that Bucky is still struggling with his recovery and Steve doesn't make it any easier with being so distant.

The fic is told from Bucky's POV. The author gives us an authentic view into his head. The writing is beautiful and lyrical. Sometimes it will kick you in the guts, sometimes it will make you cry, sometimes it will make you smile. It's really stunning. I love all the characters here. Bucky, his friendship with Natasha and Sam, and his interactions with Steve. This fic hurts in all the right ways. It's really brilliant and deserves a lot more love.

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