June 2021

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[MCU Fic Rec]: "What I Am Can’t Be Undone" by NachoDiablo

Fanfic: What I Am Can’t Be Undone
Author: NachoDiablo
FANDOM: MCU, Captain America, X-Men (Fusion, X-over)
PAIRING: Logan/Bucky
GENRES: M/M, First Time, Angst, Pining, Emotional Hurt/Comfort
WARNINGS: *Canon Temporary Assumed Death*
CONTAINS: *Howling Commando Logan, Unrequited Steve/Bucky, Implied Steve/Sam, Anal Sex, Come Eating, Reunion, Emotionally hurt Bucky*
RATING: Explicit
TIME FRAME: CATFA and CATWS
WORDS: approx 3013
SUMMARY (given by the author): Logan raises a hand to pat Barnes on the shoulder, but drops it to the counter instead. “So what’s a little while longer, huh? At least until we’re out of this shithole of a war.” He raises his hand to signal the bartender again as he pulls a wallet out of his back pocket. “In the meantime, I’ll buy you another drink.”

A bemused smile blooms on Barnes’ face as he eyes Logan’s hands. “That’s Falsworth’s wallet.”

“It might be his wallet,” Logan grumbles, “but the money in it is mine. Or it would’ve been if he didn’t cheat at cards.”
------

Crossover where Logan joins the Howling Commandos and has a series of encounters with James Barnes over the coming decades.
Notes: Logan's POV

Excerpt:
He doesn’t listen to the logistic briefings anymore. He shows up, kills Nazis, keeps watch. Eats his rations, plays cards, wins smokes. Sleeps every so often. Rinse and repeat, until every last Hydra base is destroyed.

“You got an extra?”

Barnes is standing in front of him. He nods towards Logan’s cigarette.

Logan and Barnes are usually on watch together these days. Barnes might not see the way Rogers’ sad puppy-dog eyes follow him around, but Logan does. Which is why Rogers keeps pairing them up, no doubt.

The hunted look Barnes carries is enough to throw anyone off kilter, but Logan’s not just anyone. He doesn’t fuss when Barnes needs a minute to get his mind right, or grit his teeth through a phantom pain of whatever the hell they did to him in Azzano. It’s nothing Logan hasn’t seen or been through before, in other lifetimes. It’s nothing he won’t have to endure in a dozen more lifetimes to come.

Barnes seems to appreciate his lack of reaction. Logan appreciates that Barnes doesn’t feel the need to fill every quiet moment with inane small talk. They’ll trade quips or the occasional story, but their silences are long and comfortable as well.

“You don’t smoke,” says Logan. He takes another drag.


WHY I LIKE THAT FIC: It baffles me that Logan/Bucky isn’t a more popular ship. It should be. They have so much in common. Both know a thing or two about captivity, torture, body mutilation and amnesia. If you are new to this ship and need a fic that introduces you gently to it than read What I Am Can’t Be Undone. It’s perfect.

In this fic Logan is a member of the Howling Commandos. He has a sympathetic ear for Bucky after Azzano. Bucky is a bit moody and emotionally hurting. He feels himself drawn to Logan and they finally become lovers. Until Bucky falls from the train and is assumed dead.

Bittersweet and angsty. With superb characterizations. I LOVED it!


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