June 2021



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[MCU Fic Rec]: "Windmills" by coffeestainanalyst

Fanfic: Windmills
Author: coffeestainanalyst
FANDOM: MCU, Captain America
PAIRING: Steve/Bucky
GENRES: Slash, Angst, Misunderstandings, Hurt/Comfort
WARNINGS: *past Rape/Non-con/Abuse, HYDRA Trash Party adjacent *
CONTAINS: *mentions of past violence/rape/sexual abuse, humiliation, flashbacks, Bucky needs permission for food etc., consent issues, unreliable narrator*
RATING: Explicit
WORDS: approx 8697
SUMMARY (given by the author): His current codename is Bucky. His new handlers are called friends. Steve, one of the highest ranking friends, only had to correct him once before he’d adapted to the new vocabulary. Yet so far, things are looking rough: decommissioned from active duty, he's left with no other purpose than their entertainment. All he can do is wait, push through with gritted teeth and do whatever he can to turn the tables in his favor again.
NOTES: Alternating POV (Steve, Bucky, Sam)

Steve likes it when Bucky remembers.

He’s said so repeatedly. So do the doctors that are assigned to make sure Bucky’s brain functions the way SHIELD likes it. Not all of them wear white coats, but Bucky can smell their lot from a mile away. He’s seen plenty in his time, and they always smile at first.

Bucky doesn't admit how much he remembers. He breaks into a cold sweat every time he’s scheduled for a brain scan, worried they’ll find out he’s been lying. They haven’t used the machines that soothe his mind, and hell if he’s giving them or Steve the satisfaction of knowing that he suffers from it.

In truth, more and more memories resurface each day, clear and sharp like polished blades. Just the other night he had almost panicked for no other reason than the whistling of a kettle. That’s all it took to send his mind spiralling back to the safe house, that evening he made his CO so mad that they burned his genitals with hot water.

This fic, OMG, it will have your heart in pieces. It is so sooooo good. Better make sure you have time to read it in one go or else you will be up and reading until 3 am like me. lol I gladly missed out on a couple of hours of sleep for this one, though.

In this story a recovering Bucky is with Steve and the other Avengers. Unbeknownst to them Bucky thinks the Avengers are his new handlers who will use and abuse him like HYDRA did. He actually expects to be assaulted any minute, that’s why he insists they put him on missions because then they wouldn’t want to damage their precious weapon in other ways.

Misunderstandings ensue.

I really love the characterizations here! Bucky has been through hell and suffered horrible things but he still managed to keep a spark of fire and defiance in him. He knows nothing comes for free, not even food, but hell if he gives in so easily.

This fic will have your emotions all over the place. You can be sure of that.

The writing style is so pleasant, it flows on. It’s perfect. This is an instant favorite of mine and I will re-read this often.

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